I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
