I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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