Farmville is her only friend.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
