I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
did you just send me my own nude
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
