Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
