Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
