Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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