I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
