you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
