Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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