hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
