32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
