Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
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LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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