he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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