Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
