Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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