So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
