he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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