its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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