On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
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Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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