Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
