i would punch a child for taco bell
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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