I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
