I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
