Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
