dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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