YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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