a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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