he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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