who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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