Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
