i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
