I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
