I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize