theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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