Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
