people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
