I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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