I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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