if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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