he thought i was a dude.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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