So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
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MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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