Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
