Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
