In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
