Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
