This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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