census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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