the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My hand turned me down
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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