They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
