well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize