Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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