My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
