My liver just broke up with me...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
