just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
