I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
