I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
