If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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