Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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