Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
