My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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