apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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